


Clawing At The Walls of My Heart

by peanutbutterbagels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Dinner, Grieving Dean Winchester, Introspection, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25300582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbutterbagels/pseuds/peanutbutterbagels
Summary: Dean craves something that he cannot have.A Christmas dinner presents an interesting obstacle for Dean. One he cannot complete, but one he must ignore for the sake of his brother.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester, unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Clawing At The Walls of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t like supernatural I wrote this as a joke do not expect any more supernatural stuff from me jrieneosneoaksn 
> 
> Please let me know of any inconsistencies or spelling/grammar mistakes and the like :-)
> 
> have a great day :-)

Dean snapped to attention.

The room focused from its previous blurry kaleidoscope of colour into a disgustingly domestics scene. 

He was seated at a dark mahogany table laden in white and red cloth. Dishes covered the table like a second coat of paint, stretched across the entire thing. The room was bathed in golden light, filled with laughter and love. It was sickening.

Family and friends were gathered around the table, but Dean was unable to differentiate which were his and which were not. It didn’t matter anyway. What had he to care about?

“Asparagus, Dean?” A voice asked from beside him, and when he looked up he was met with the face of Castiel.

The angelic aura that once shrouded him was long gone, but something in him still shon, bright and hard and happy as he smiled down at him. The man who went from an emissary of God to the lover of a simple human man. His wings too were gone, but anyone now knew that he didn’t need them to feel like we was soaring. 

Those stupid glittering eyes, that infuriatingly crooked smile. It was maddening.

Dean eyed the dish being offered to him. The green stalks shimmered in the golden light, glossy and steaming on a pristine white plate.

Dean swallowed thickly.

“No, no thanks.”

Castiel nodded, patted his shoulder and moved on past him. 

Dean cast a lingering glance in his direction, and hoped, begged, that no one could see the want set so unbridled in his direction.

His heart clawed at the cold prison bars of his ribs. Maybe, he thought, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to rip his own heart out. To set both it and himself free. The thought was stupid.

He grabbed his utensils, set neatly beside his plate and gleaming proudly, and stared down at his plate, filled with an assortment of food he cared not to name.

His stomach was angry, writhing inside him hungrily, hungry for something it could not have.

Truth be told, he wasn’t hungry. 

His mouth always felt a chasm, his heart a dead weight. He felt wrong to pity himself, but what was he left to do?

The food leered up at him threateningly, throwing steam in his face like water on a fire.

He dropped his utensils with a clatter, drowned out by the cacophony bathing the room in noise, and shoved the plate away from him while his stomach churned.

He hadn’t eaten, but his mouth was full, filled by sticky sweet ash that drowned out every aspect of life but itself, that danced on his tongue and tingled his lips and sang to his ears, so beautifully that he’d do anything just to listen.

He let his eyes wander around the room, at the faces sittin beside him, laughing at things he can’t and smiling in ways he won’t.

He sees his brother, standing at the head of the table and absolutely glowing. Glowing with pride as he laughs with his husband, glowing with affection as their lips touched. His hand reached to take the asparagus away from him, his wedding band gleaming proudly in the light as he did so.

Dean swallowed thickly once more, pushing down the urge to vomit.

He was hungry, starving, for something he couldn’t have.

He craved love.

He craved Castiel.

And he would continue to crave.


End file.
